We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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