I wish you could order shots online.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
