I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
