chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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