You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
