she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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