I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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