we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
