His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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