Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
