FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
