remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize