So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
