C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
