Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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