I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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