Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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