I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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