Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
