Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
