Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
