Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
