there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize