Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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