There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
