Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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