her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
