you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
