My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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