Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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