Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
