jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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