it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
