The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
