Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
