haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
