Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
