Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize