Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
