I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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