i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
