I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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