I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
