Nicole vs. Life
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
should my penis look like a turkey
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How does one acquire holy water?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
