Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
