i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
