Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize