If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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