Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
