I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
