I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This couple is walking their pig around campus
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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