It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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