we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize