they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
