He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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