i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
