Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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