how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
