you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
