I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
