DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
