I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize