you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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