Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
