I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
