he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize