You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
