What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There's a naked man in my car right now.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
