i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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