..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Green mimosas i think yes
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize