textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
