i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
