Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize