you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
