I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
