You work out of a Hotel?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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