just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
