I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
