there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
