where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The best revenge is premature balding
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
