I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I AM VODKA MAN
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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