My friends, they love my intelligence
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
