I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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