ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
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