I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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