1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
