Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
