So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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