ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
