so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
