I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize