i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize