Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
