and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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