the condom got lost in my hair
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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