i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
