i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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