she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
