She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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