morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
