Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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