I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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