we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
