well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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