so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
