he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My vagina is very pro this idea
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