Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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