A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
